Does it mean sex with someone else other than your partner?
Well, yeah, that’s true. But the actual meaning can run much deeper. Infidelity is not just cheating by having sex. There are many different types of affairs, and affairs are usually not sexually motivated.
Mark enjoys grabbing Starbucks coffee with Courtney five minutes before they start their boring nine to five job. After a few months of meeting Courtney for coffee, Mark asks her to join him for lunch at the nearby café. She agrees and they have a great time talking about their spouses, jobs, and children. Mark and Courtney start to communicate more with each other than they do to their own spouses. They tell each other secrets that they can’t bear to share with their significant others. But they never touch – not even a kiss. Is this infidelity?
Emotional cheating can be more detrimental to a marriage than physical infidelity. When you establish an emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse and begin disclosing secrets to this person, you’re disengaging yourself from your current relationship. This is harder to reverse than having sex with no ties.
We are now in an age where people can connect with one another anonymously over the internet. People can look at pornography, have cyber sex, and make lasting friendships with the click of a mouse. More and more couples complain that their significant other spends more time on the computer than with them.
Two people can easily meet in a chat room and start talking more regularly through e-mail and instant messaging. One night it can become more heated and then go to the next level of cyber sex. Is this better than actually meeting in person to have sex? At the very least, it’s safer. You can’t contract a sexually transmitted disease through cyber sex, but you can lose the trust of a spouse.
The scale begins at holding hands and kissing and increases to having sexual intercourse. People can have different types of physical affairs:
Problem Solving Affair: This involves people that believe having an affair could solve their problems.
Exit Affair: This occurs when people want to end their relationship but feel stuck and unsure about how to end the relationship. Instead of communicating with their partner, they have an affair. These people are too scared to just end a relationship. They need to have a bigger reason than unhappiness, so they create one.
Improve your Marriage Affair: Impossible? Not quite. Some people seek an affair to spice up their marriage. These people might be thinking that once their partners find out about the infidelity, the sex at home might get hotter. How about trying a sexy doctor/patient scenario instead?
Midlife Crisis Affair:
When people get older, they want to find things in their lives that can make them feel younger. Having sex with a younger man or woman can fulfill this need. But so can a new hairstyle or car.
Revenge Affair: One partner finds out that the other cheated, so they seek revenge. Instead of dealing with the feelings of the first affair, the betrayed partner hides them by having an affair of their own. Does this actually make people feel that they are even?
Accidental Affair: Is there such a thing as an accidental affair? Not really. This implies that the person who has the affair is not seeking it. The affair is unplanned and a one night stand.
Trading Up Affair: This type of affair happens when someone is looking for a partner that they believe is somehow better than the one that they have. They want someone better looking, younger, richer, funnier, or smarter. These people are not satisfied with their current partner but don’t want to move on until finding someone superior.
Indulgence Affair: This man or woman is just looking to have sex with another partner. Maybe they have a fetish that their partner won’t indulge, so they seek it out somewhere else.
Sexual Addiction: Someone who is addicted to having sex uses it the same way that drug addicts use cocaine. They use sex to fill emptiness and numb their pain.
Sexual Deprivation Affair:
There is a lack of sex in the relationship which may lead to one partner to seek an affair. This happens when a couple stops having sex for a long period of time without discussing the reasons. For example, a couple who had a baby six months ago and is overwhelmed with other stressors such as finances and career issues may not prioritize sex. Human beings crave sexual contact, and they search for it elsewhere.
Affairs happen for many reasons, and typically they begin because basic needs are not being met. This is not to say that you are to blame for your partner’s affair. It simply means that when one spouse is having an affair, there really is an underlying problems in the relationship.
You have to identify the root cause of the problems in the relationship to prevent or recover from infidelity. Every problem has a core. People don’t just argue, they argue for a reason. People typically don’t just have sex with someone besides their partner. They are filling an emotional void that leads to sex.
Understand the types of affairs and address the problems in your relationship. Don’t forget to join the Free Newsletter by inputting your name and email address into the form in the top right of this page.